Some die old, some die young. Some mock religion with a laughing tongue and ridicule those who can’t become “unbrainwashed.”
Am I one of those people? Did I mock too long after thinking I escaped?
Did I make fun of my family and criticize people who followed their “inward religious guide”?
Do I regret the tone I’ve had and the ways I’ve laughed when my friends reached out with serious concern about “giving up all the good”?
It seems over the past few weeks I’ve had a change of heart. Some realizations have become more clear than ever before.
My mind has become more determined in a particular direction. My heart yearns more for a particular cause.
Here’s What I Regret
Not asking even deeper questions. I regret not asking them sooner.
What has changed in me over the last few weeks? What have I become more determined than ever before to do?
TO ASK THE QUESTIONS YOU CAN’T STAND ME ASKING. TO LOOK WHERE YOU DON’T WANT ME TO LOOK. TO BEHOLD WHAT PAINS YOUR EYES SO BADLY THAT YOU REFUSE TO SEE IT.
And then I fully intend to tell you all about it.
If I asked tough questions before, I will ask tougher questions now.
Where you thought I was going hard on your beliefs before, I will double down and ask three times the philosophical and logical questions that you can’t stand.
Do I regret asking questions about religion? No. I only regret not asking them sooner. Do I regret offending your feelings by thrashing against your beliefs in a super unsettling manner? No.
I intend to do it a lot more and a lot harder. Why? Because it’s healing.
“Oh, but don’t lose all the good,” say people who have never comprehended the world outside of their own lens. When others offer them another lens—not to keep, but simply to try—they pout and whine and run back to their old belief systems, not realizing those systems entirely control them in a way they can’t even comprehend.
Here’s What Changed
Before, I treaded lightly—wondering if I was wrong, curious if I’d be sucker-punched by God for running away from him.
Now I am familiar with asking questions. I’m getting awfully comfortable on this new path of questioning everything.
If I could explain it to you like you were my toddler, I’d tell you this: that good feeling you have when you do something? That wonderful feeling you encountered when you fell in love, or when Jesus “found” you?
Yeah, that. I’m going to keep trying to figure out why that has such an impact on you. And me. In fact, I can’t live without feeling it myself. But I keep poking at it and trying to see what’s on the other side of it.
And that is exactly why you like to call me crazy. Because I won’t settle down and see it anybody’s way. Because that—whatever that is—might be the most powerful thing in existence.
And it is absolutely insane to me that you have a bunch of people wandering around pretending they have all the answers, when they haven’t even begun to grapple with the nature of reality.
I’m not even upset at you for it. Or anyone. It is just so dang insane to me. The comprehension of it is mind-blowing.
People are literally in veins of belief that they can’t see outside of. And that’s okay. But imagine asking, “Which vein should I join?” when you can see all of them, and remembering that you were once one of them.
My Mission Right Now
My mission right now is to keep an open mind. I know I am in a state of existence I cannot fully comprehend—but at least I can acknowledge that.
My mission is this: while I hear everyone around me say “We are right,” I want to simply be amazed and laugh with you.
My mission is to help those who want to see outside of their vein, see outside.
But how can I do that without a continual guard up that protects me from a closed mind?
If you think religion is hard and requires discipline, wait until you try truly having an open mind.
My job is to maintain that open mind. That means when I have that “Jesus moment,” I must look on the other side and ask questions. Because there are “Jesus moments” in exactly the opposite of what you believe.
And that is so insane to me. And unbelievable to you.
Because if you actually believed it, your entire existence might be thrown upside down. And you will do almost anything to avoid that.
Respect and Love
More comprehension of society’s mind does bring more love and patience. And while it can cause frustration at times, it also makes you realize the human condition almost has to have a hardcore religious belief system to function.
That realization almost makes one go quiet, understanding that it might be best to let people truly believe whatever they grew up with.
Why take away someone’s delusion if there isn’t more peace outside of it? For most, if one delusion gets ripped off, they simply settle into another.
But some can’t unsee what they saw in the middle—standing with no delusions in place.
And I like to assume I am one of those people.
Going forward, let’s ask more questions, comprehend more truth, and remember that the process usually hurts in the beginning.
And always, let’s give more love.
My podcast this week with an Ex-Mormon girl, you can check that out right here:
You would also enjoy this article:The Tyranny Of The Moral Mind
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