This is a wild one. God I hope this is an extremely inappropriate article lol.(That was sarcasm btw) Today I am writing what I have learned about girls since I left the FLDS, the crazy way I saw my first nude picture, and some other spicy things.

You might be wondering what my problem is. Why would I even write an article like this?

Look man, I know some of you guys are girl catchers and charming as hell.

Turns out that I like pretty girls too and I didn’t know how the heck to talk to them or ask them to come to dinner or on a date.

I grew up with 80 moms. Not even that made me gay. lol.

I like to talk about girls and I don’t care what you think. And I am going to make you laugh or piss you off, so you have been warned!

I understand the irony of this whole situation and I decided the only way to deal with it is to not give a fuck. I mean imagine your dad is a famous cult leader and pedophile. And then you make one joke about women. Do you see what I am saying? Not giving a fuck is the only way forward actually.

People can think what they want, I am living my life how I want to.

One story I have to tell you guys real quick.

I was 4 or 5 years old and there was a whole host of women in the haul way of our home. I came up and yelled “Is father in that pile of mothers” And he was. They thought that was pretty funny.

Look At Women From My View

Being taught to not look at the girls from the time I was two years old has certainly affected my relationship with girls.

I am going to tell some detailed stories in my upcoming articles about my personal life that will help you understand how strict this was. But for now let me summarize a few instances for you.

I don’t think I ever talked to my dad on the phone and he did not ask me, “Are you staying clean and pure?”

O dad I am so dang pure. Come on, could you ask me about my work or something? Ughhh. Nope.

So imagine you can’t hardly talk to your own sisters, you never do anything with them. Your father is always worried about it and constantly is making you more and more separate from any women, specifically in your age range.

When I was 12 he moved me into a different house along with two of my brothers. And the rest stayed at our main house. God I was terrified that I would do something wrong.

Even the thought of wanting a girl was terrible to me. That is how I was taught.

When I was 7-12 years old I had numerous times of mothers noticing that I was looking at a girl or I went too close to the girls area, and correcting me, or even telling dad about it. O MY LORD lol.

So I was always surrounded by mothers. They always were telling me to never look at girls.

O did I mention that the mothers also would correct you if they thought you were looking at their body? Into the Eyes or the ground. Looking at my boobs!!! Tell Warren. Not to mention they were covered by 30 layers of clothing. No wonder I was in for a culture shock!

How do you think I thought about women by the time I was 16??

Deleting Peak Curiosity

It is not like I did not understand what females were like. In fact, I had a very good sense of female emotion (am I allowed to say this?) by the time I was 16. After all I was raised by a whole host of them.

As I got older, 13 to be exact, and had a boner I had no idea what was going on. But I was terrified of it just happening when I was not expecting. Seriously, with absolutely no warning I would get boners and I did not know what to do to make them leave. Damn, I gotta get this down! WTF is something wrong with me???

Okay so the girl separation became a bit more obvious to me after I hit puberty. I mean, I understood why dad was so strict. But I did not understand that it was an unhealthy separation.

So from the time I was 13 to 18, I essentially deleted any thoughts that were inappropriate. I knew I would get married some day, but until then I was not to have any thoughts about girls at all. And I got reminded every day.

My biological makeup is telling me, hey see that girl, she is so dang hot. And I am thinking, “damn I must be a bad person, it is hard to never think of these girls.” But I didn’t. I was actually that devoted to my religion and obeying my dad.

This is why I say I was deleting peak curiosity. Because I wanted to think about girls, I needed to, I actually had to, and I deleted all those thoughts.

It was not all bad. It does teach you a ton of self control. A bit too much perhaps. This is why I sometimes walk past girls like they don’t exist and are totally invisible, even if they say something. Turns out after 15 years of practice you get pretty good at that.

I specifically got good at noticeably not looking at them. It was the eyes when I was talking or the ground. Did Dad not realize I had peripheral vision??

This Is Awkward

I was working at a cabinet shop in 2019 before I had left the FLDS. I had taken over the cabinet door department and was the only one working in it. This was a random job I applied for in North Dakota and got it. This was the first job I had where I had no other FLDS boss or anything.

My co workers loved to talk about girls and I could not handle it. Imagine walking up to me and just punching me in the face. Well thats how much of a shock it was when this co worker came and got me one day.

Work was slow and we were cleaning. “Hey, do you want to go check on the countertop department with me?”

I said yeah why not.

While we are walking over there he asks about my relationship status and tells me about his. He bitches about some co workers and then we finally get over to the countertop department.

I can’t remember this countertop guys name, but we start chatting. At this point I can talk about everything but women. And these co workers, darn it they were there to chat about women.

They wanted to chat WITH ME about women. Dude I was not up to it. I was blushing, wanting to run out, and also I had become pretty good at acting like everything was totally cool.

These guys could not tell what I was thinking. I did not say much.

So we talked about a few other co workers and then

Boom the punch was coming.

“Hey, you have got to see these drawings, come here.”

Ohh I felt better. Lets go see them.

They showed me this amazing drawing of a buck. Perfect feature and gorgeous background. In perfect proportions.

This countertop guy had some pretty amazing artistic skills.

They showed me a few more drawings but the buck really stood out.

I was thoroughly enjoying this, but never was I expecting what came next.

“Hey”, he whispered to me, “you have to see this one!”

He reached under a table and grabbed a drawing from under the counter. I was anxiously waiting to see this drawing he had placed so much emphasis on.

I looked in amazement. Five seconds went by as I asked myself what the heck is this object.

And then, O MY LORD GOD ALMIGHTY I DID NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO.

A perfectly drawn nude women with perfect boobs, standing on her toes and with a really pretty smile.

I swear to God time froze. Keep in mind this was before I had discovered the internet. Bro this was a first. I WAS FEELING AWFUL AND WIERD AND LORD I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS THE LOOK.

This one didn’t have a fucking prairie dress on.

I blushed, one million thoughts went through my mind, I immediately knew if I didn’t admire it those dudes would wonder what the fuck my problem was.

Thoughts of Joseph in Egypt ran through my mind. God, if someone pulled a gun on me I would have been less surprised.

I thought to myself, if I like it then I sinned. If I saw it and turned away then I didn’t sin.

I awkwardly put my hand up, turned my head and walked a few steps away.

When I looked up at my co worker he was in total shock. He looked at me like I was a zombie. Both of them did.

I didn’t care. I walked back to my department.

But I was in for another embarrassing moment. Two of them.

We had got a new shop manager recently. Everything was going well and I was faithful to my dad as I had ever been.

One day the owner of the shop walked through. He took his time as he walked through my department. Then he stopped to ask me how it was going.

“Pretty good, we could use a few things but good.” We had a pleasant conversation before he continued over to the other departments.

An hour later the shop manager walks in. “The owner wants me to talk to you about something.”

He brought me over to a piece of equipment that had 3 circles drawn in the light sawdust that had settled on it.

“Whats that?” he asked, as he pointed to the circles.

“Umm its a moulder machine”, I said, thinking he was pointing at the piece of equipment.

“No No No the circles,” he replied with a sly smile.

“Wait, you mean the three circles on the machine, are those a problem?” I inquired.

“Ughh, I mean you know they are all over in here and the owner really doesn’t like it,” he replied.

Dude, my mind was going crazy. The owner don’t like these 3 circles, what in the world dude, he don’t like the circles.

“I don’t really understand why this is a problem”, I told the manager in total innocence. But he wasn’t buying it.

We went back and forth for FIVE MINUTES.

“It’s a dick, you know that.” He told me.

A dick. A dick. What the hell is a dick. Damn. A dick. 3 circles. 2 right by eachother. One in the middle. A dick.

O shit I finally put the puzzle together.

O FUCK LORD ALMIGHTY THEY CALL A MANS PRIVATE PART A DICK AND THAT IS WHAT THESE THREE CIRCLES ARE AND O MY GOD I LOOK STUPID RIGHT NOW.

A million thoughts ran through my head. My co worker kept coming in and putting these three circles on all my equipment. I didn’t know why but now I did. He had been doing this for weeks!

God I am ignorant, I thought to myself. I explained to the manager that my co worker did all of them.

The manager looked at me very skeptical. I awkwardly explained that I did not know what the three circles meant and had just caught on. I told him that my co worker did it and I had not realized what it was.

He was very skeptical of my explanation, but ultimately went over and talked to my co worker. I never heard about it again.

Last One

It was a slow day at the cabinet shop. I walked in to check on Tanner, the guy that ran the CNC. We chatted for a moment. He had been considering quitting but ultimately stayed after getting higher pay.

“So are you married?” I inquired.

His eyes lit a bit. “I like them chubby, give them to me big, big as them come. Like really fucking big. How do you like them?”

O damn I regret asking this question, I thought to myself.

I laughed and said well I don’t know and then acted like I had something I had to go do.

I Am Going To Go Look At These Girls

If biology is from God or evolution, it was stronger than my 20 years of programming.

Girls are not the only reason I left the FLDS, although it is a good reason. But it is the thing that pulled my mind away from my religious programming and helped me see the reasons I should leave.

So when I discovered the internet, I watched youtube videos for a solid month. I only slept 2 hours a night for two weeks. Seriously. I was that intrigued. That was in 2019. I would come home from work and start watching. Then it was 3 am and I would sleep until 5. When I woke up I would watch for another hour and then go to work.

I learned a ton about culture and how the world works by watching those videos.

Weekends? Duh.

Youtube started recommending videos with hot girls, or at least pretty if there is a difference. I kept clicking. At some point I had to talk to myself. Do I feel guilty? Do I like girls? Like bro, why are you doing this?? You don’t just like what these girls are doing in these videos, you also want to see them.

It took me a good year to be totally honest with myself about that, and to not feel so guilty. Well that took 5 years to not feel guilty.

I would watch videos that I was interested in, only to find myself watching another one with some hot girl doing something interesting. It is pretty funny to me now. But that is because I can be honest about it.

Stop Lying

You think you have some spiritual connection with a girl or any woman. Bahhh. Now that is possible but,

Something became obvious to me. I noticed this in multiple instances with myself and many others.

A boy in the FLDS don’t know what is going on with his biological sexual drive. FLDS boys have high testosterone because they eat healthy and are very active. He sees a girl and has particularly strong feelings. And perhaps it is the same for girls.

Then he can’t be honest with himself. Because with honesty you can pursue or let her go. But I have seen way too many relationships made where boys are literally having romantic feelings but they are not thinking any romantic thoughts.

So nothing is going to happen sexually, but they have this powerful connection. If they were honest they could tell what it actually was.

I saw this happen with boys and mothers, and perhaps I did it to some degree.

Just be honest. Getting corrected for every little thing is no way to bring honesty. So that is how it will be in an overly controlled environment.

Going On My First Date

Damn girls. Imagine going on a date with a boy who just barely decided it was okay to date a girl.

After a long time, I decided to download a dating app.

And then I got a hit. These dating apps are dumb but sometimes work. I didn’t know that though.

So I message this girl. “Do you want to go on a date?” I asked her.

We decided to do this. I prepared my mind and heart to not blush and look like a damn idiot.

It’s time. I drive over and pick her up.

LORD SHE IS WAY BIGGER THAN THE PICTURE SHOWS! (this was in Fargo, just so I don’t have the wrong girl offended lol)

I was totally disappointed. I was quiet but finally said “Hey, how are you?”

We drove over to a local coffee shop she liked. I said very little, did not know what to say. I was so uncomfortable and decided I was not going to date her at all, this was just not my type.

“Give them to me big, as big as they come.” I had definitely scored one for Tanner.

We did some small talk and then I drove her back. She talked way more than me. I did not know what I should say. I was kind but not ready to go on another date.

She messaged me a few days later, “Hey do you want to drive downtown and see the Christmas lights?”

I felt lonely and I did want to. But no. I just wasn’t attracted to her.

Second Date!!

I got another hit on my dating app! Ohhhh I had butterflies about this one;).

“Hey, do you want to go on a date?” Yes. We set it up. Coffee shop date. Ooooo yeah I was ready to talk to this girl!

I was shy as hell and did not act like it.

The coffee shop was inside a Hornbachers grocery store. This was in 2020 about 3 months into the mad covid era.

So I walk into the store and there she is, just as pretty as she looked in the picture. Okay now I am shy for real. This girl has a mask on. Everyone does. She was a republican, I had asked on the dating app.

“Where is your mask,” she asked.

“Seriously? My mask? There’s no way I am wearing a mask,” I replied.

She blushed. She stuttered. So did I.

“Should we get a drink,” I asked.

“Ummm could we go out? I don’t want to be in here.”

O shit I thought. We really could sip a drink.

“Yeah, ummm ugh ya, well if you want you can come out to my um truck.”

I was not scared. I was confused as hell. What?? They did not even enforce masks in that store.

Yes everyone was wearing one. But this was ridiculous. Well, I says to myself, she is a girl so I will give her a pass on the mask.

She came out to my truck.

We then had the most awkward, odd, non flowing conversation ever.

I started it off by getting right to the bottom of the mask issue. She then told me her dad would never wear a mask either. I was like wait what? I love your dad. Chances are he will love me. I did not actually say that.

She then proceeded to tell me she liked the bible. “I have read the new testament 10 times,” I told her.

“What, that is a lot!” she said.

We talked for about half hour without a drink. Apparently I ruined it somehow because that girl never replied when I asked about a second round.

There’s no way it was the mask hahaha!

Here Is What I Have Learned About Dating

I have been on about 10 dates since. But it has been a struggle to find the person I am looking for.

I need peace, not just a hot girl. I like hot girls, love em. But I need my peace.

I have concluded that having a girl in my life is not about what she can give me, but more about me becoming a person that she can respect first and then love. If I can do that then I can find someone who wants to help me fulfill my dreams and have peace in my home.

I understood women to an extent. I was separating the FLDS ones from the ones I was dating. The truth is they are all very similar, just with different cultures. As soon as I recognized that then I could talk to them better.

My next goal is to up my nerve and go ask some women in real life for their numbers. I am sure it might be awkward but hey, I like excitement.

Women have a six sense for “creepy.” But you have to polarize them to like or not like you if you want any chance to date them. And to polarize a girl you always run the risk of coming off as “creepy.” That is what I read in Mark Mansons book. But also is my experience in real life.

I am okay with that. I have to just keep trying and trying and trying until I get the W.

Girls don’t come first in my life anymore. I do. That doesn’t mean I will not love a girl and help her with her dreams. It just means I cannot take care of someone else if I don’t prioritize my own care and success.

Conclusion

I love hot girls. I love pretty girls. Once I could not express that.

Being honest with myself has helped me let go of relationships that will not work.

And has helped me improve the ones that do.

Taking care of and respecting myself is the only way a girl or anyone else can respect me.

My next goal is to ask girls out face to face. So get ready for some spicy stories! Hopefully I get good at it. I need someone to hold me accountable. Sometimes I am almost to do it and then I don’t. Bet you never been there!

I believe telling a girl the truth about what you think about her is how you find true connection.

If I tell a girl, “Hey, you look beautiful, I would like to date you,” she may reject me but when one likes me they will say yes.

Beating around the bush makes girls doubt your confidence. It is not about lying to a girl about your confidence, it is about becoming a person I can be proud of and confident in myself, and then others can too. It is about self improvement.

I have a ton to learn about girls! I think I am just getting started.

When I sat down to write this morning I was debating the topic of Joseph Smith or the future of the FLDS, but then was thinking man I want to talk about girls right now. So I did!

Thanks for reading!

So I hope that will encourage you to write a crazy girl encounter in the comments! It will show as soon as I hit approve. I am still trying to figure out how to make comments automatically approve.

Thank you for reading! You would also enjoy this article titled: My Childhood Age 8: Texas Raid

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