“These are some really odd questions,” a rich arrogant asshole told me as he was trying to get me out of his life.

“We all need a little anomaly in life,” I told him.

I held my martini up for cheers and walked over to the next person.

I was at a bar called The Rose in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, experiencing some of that insane fear of walking up to people and starting a conversation.

These two men were arrogant as fuck. They both had hot wives, acted like I had absolutely no business talking to them with questions like “where are you from”, and “how’s your night going.”

I felt like cussing them out about their rich little arrogant asses. But then I remembered a little self-improvement hack I’ve been working on: Extreme acceptance.

In fact, that very hack is the only way I had even managed to walk up to these two individuals and start a conversation.

Accept Yourself

“Drink more!!”

It’s the only solution I had to stop feeling so closed off towards every person on this planet.

Until I was throwing up and in the back of my mom’s car barely able to recognize my own existence. I needed to take the edge off but it took too much alcohol to get me there.

My life from 2010 has been a repeated experience of thinking things were supposed to be a certain way, then getting flung off a cliff.

My dad probably did that on purpose to some degree.

One day in 2022 I was listening to Robert Green’s book on human nature.

“Adopt the attitude of extreme acceptance” he said.

What if I stopped lying to myself about who my father is, what he says, things he claims, and just accept what he has shown me? That turned my world upside down. In a good way.

I questioned if I could accept the reality about myself, my father, and my family.

Reality was telling me the truth, and I was fighting it.

Accepting Assholes

I wanted to cuss out these rich arrogant assholes in Jackson Hole that think they are so superior to me.

My need to be accepted by them was the only thing angering me.

I hated that these people didn’t accept me. That’s it. How big is my ego? Big enough that I hate when people reveal who they are. If they like and accept me I’m somehow very happy.

I’ve been dating girls since I left the FLDS cult. In 2022 I was constantly trying to change them to be who I wanted.

When I discovered this new idea of extreme acceptance, I decided to never get offended when someone reveals who they are. Two arrogant men in the bar or a girl my biology is tripping over.

If a girl I’m dating cheats on our commitment, or she disrespects me purposely, I’ll simply accept that.

No cussing. No quiet resentment. Simple gratitude and acceptance to know who she is.

Gratitude for the ability to see two arrogant assholes. Acceptance of my own feelings of anger for not being accepted.

If my partner goes out of her way to not appear angry and show her feelings, that sets me back from the truth about our relationship.

I have decided that anger within me towards others is nothing more than a way to help myself avoid the truth. It’s how I force those around me to conform to my worldview. It’s how I become accepted.

In my new approach I’ll simply accept who a person is right then in the moment. I’ll accept my anger too.

When anger rises within about not being accepted, I’ll remember that my need to be chosen by my father in the cult kept me from seeing who he was.

It was so obvious that he was hurting me. I couldn’t see that because my need to be accepted was so strong I’d lie about everything to keep the fantasy of being accepted.

My Dad Accepted No One

My father and cult leader of the FLDS adopted the attitude to change everyone to his ways.

When he married his 18th wife or his 60th wife, the first thing he did was to get rid of her. I mean that quite literally. He told her what clothes she could keep, what books she could bring into his house, and constantly told her what small things about her character and mannerisms he didn’t like.

In fact, he rarely saw anyone at all without telling them what they needed to change about themselves.

When they wouldn’t change he used manipulation, deception, guilt, and even force.

My dad assigned identity to every person he had to do with. If he couldn’t, he got rid of them entirely.

Warren Jeffs became delusional because he got so good at changing the people, circumstances, and events around him that he assumed he had far more power than he did.

Even worse, he had accepted no one, faults, good side, or anything else in them. This blinded him to his position, the true feelings of others around him.

My mother wasn’t one to give up her identity easily. That’s why he had her in a house of hiding for years while he toyed with her children.

Extreme acceptance is the recognition that most of our anger towards others is fear in ourselves that we will not be accepted.

My father was fearful people would stop accepting him. So he forced everyone to appear how he wanted.

And he used that exact hurt in himself as a weapon against every person: Acceptance. My mom wanted to be accepted by her children, her sister wives, and her husband. I too wanted to be accepted.

So when my dad told me I was an evil immoral piece of shit, I turned that into his love towards me instead of the truth that he was hurting me.

Accepting Myself

My father kept me away from women, severely punished me for looking at them, even at 5 years old.

When I left the FLDS, I noticed within myself an insane inability to talk to any potential dates.

This caused frustration that turned into anger within. When I saw a man that did well with women, I felt anger and resentment.

When I saw a girl I liked, I felt angry at her because of my own inability to communicate.

In fact, my entire nervous system would shut down in a way I couldn’t even control. My father had so strictly punished any idea of sex with a woman that my body literally would shut down the nervous system in order to avoid any feelings or emotions towards women.

This is another example of my father not accepting me, but declaring how we would live and be.

The irony is that I had to take myself through an insane humiliation of acceptance. What I didn’t know is that humiliation brought me power and perspective I had never dreamed of.

I fully accepted that my body biologically likes women. I also fully accepted that my father had trained my nervous system to shut down when I came in contact with anything I wanted, be it a hot girl or a cool truck.

This inner paralyzation of wanting to talk to women and having a nervous system that shut down drove me to the edge of insanity.

Until I fully accepted it. Instead of taking my anger out on anyone, I would simply accept anger from this inner paralyzation.

And every time I felt that anger I would channel it into accepting I would be socially awkward. I’d accept myself talking to people and coming away awkward.

Surprisingly I found out I can talk to people just fine. I was socially awkward but honestly people love that shit. It’s a good way to get a conversation going as far as I’m concerned.

This full acceptance of my own fear and awkwardness helped me push past obstacles that nearly sent me to my grave.

It is in fact the greatest pleasure in the world to accept yourself.

Equally, it is the most painful thing to do honestly.

Dating With Extreme Acceptance

The other day I asked a really pretty girl for her number. She said no, she’s going through a bad breakup.

I told her that’s okay, I just wanted her to know I thought she was beautiful.

Later I started conjuring up weird thoughts straight from my ego about how she was probably lying, and just didn’t like me, thought I was ugly, and hated my personality. Then I remembered extreme acceptance. I remembered the cost of needing to be accepted. Why force someone to like me so that I can stroke my fucking ego and wonder why things aren’t going good a few years later?

Even if she was lying to me, and she probably wasn’t, accepting the outcome completely was painful but truthful.

While sitting at the table giving my little ego a Sunday school lesson, I remembered the most important thing of all: Anger within me is usually the desire to be accepted. This desire distorts my perception of others, blinds me to the truth about human nature within myself and them.

“Kid, that’s why you stayed in that fucking cult as long as you did,” I told myself. “Because you couldn’t bear the thought of not being accepted.”

Accept that little ego.

So when thinking about this girl, I decide to live without regrets. I’d fully accept if she didn’t like me, and fully give her the opportunity to like me.

So I told her I had a good solution. I’d give her my number and she could text me if she ever wanted.

She accepted my offer and I put my number in her phone under the name “cool Jaden”, with the last name, “let’s dance.”

That was a real fine negotiation I pulled off between EXTREME ACCEPTANCE and MY LITTLE EGO. Now I won’t be regretting anything, and I won’t be angry at all about not being accepted.

Relationship With Family

When is the last time you got in a fight with your sister? If you haven’t I’m going to question your humanity.

We all have families that can have major disagreements. If they don’t your in a cult.

For myself, I don’t have to look beyond my own siblings, step moms (all 78 of them), and my uncles that seem to think I’m slightly crazy.

I used to wonder if I’d ever pull off a conversation with some of my siblings.

Then I discovered extreme acceptance. I’ll accept my siblings for who they are. In a cult, out of it, becoming crazy, or absolutely filled with hate. I’ll accept all of it.

This attitude has brought me so much peace and improved relationships. Instead of judging them, I accept them. If they don’t like me, I accept that too. I still tell them if I think they are in a cult.

But I accept them completely, without anger, resentment, or any other kind of emotion.

If they treat me wrong I will tell them, but I’ll still accept it. I don’t want to change them so they have to lie to me in order for us to talk.

Religion Is The Chief Liar

Religion tells you to change. To appear how it likes you.

Religion sells acceptance the same way my dad did:

“You’re broken, but if you play by our rules, you’ll be okay.”

It gives you community at the price of ever being honest with yourself about who you are and what you want.

And the same secret weapon is at the core: we want to be accepted by those around us, and if we can’t get that we will claim to be accepted by God.

Religion’s biggest product isn’t God.

It’s the illusion that you’re ‘accepted’ without ever accepting yourself.

For a while I thought about joining the LDS church, not because I believed, but so I could have friends. So I could once again be accepted.

Religion makes you appear right, accepting to the community, and even to yourself.

In all of this, the ego is gently stroked with a tender but powerful feeling of superiority and acceptance.

Religion helps people lie to themselves and others about who they really are and what they really want.

Conclusions

When we feel angry towards others, it is usually because we are afraid that we won’t be accepted in some way. (My little ego fucking hates how I discovered this.)

That’s what was causing anger within me when the two rich guys at the bar were rejecting my presence.

That’s why my dad had to control everyone around him.

Extreme acceptance gives us power we can’t otherwise dream of. The cost is facing the most painful thing straightforward: ourselves.

Extreme acceptance is more socially intelligent, but also will bring us more fulfillment and happiness than trying to control everyone.

You can try to stop water from flowing downstream. Eventually it will find its way down. Human nature is just the same. Better to accept it and work with it.

Warren Jeffs never changed my biological desires. He almost succeeded at making me a walking bomb of emotions that would hurt others. I accepted and accept that, which was the way to win the war.

Extreme acceptance has kept me from hurting others and myself.

It has made me so authentic that I can laugh heartily and sincerely when the entire world rejects me. Because I accept myself.

Extreme acceptance is my strategy to happiness.

As for my future, I fully accept it. Yes I want things. I hope for things. I struggle to get what I want. But I accept the future fully no matter what happens.

Extreme acceptance has improved my relationship with every person in my life, and most importantly with reality.

My need for the future to be good was the only thing blinding me to the truth of what would actually make my future good.

And if you would like to disagree with me about any or all of this, I’d like to fully accept that too.

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Notice the last time you were pissed at someone. Don’t justify it. Don’t explain it. Just ask: ‘What part of me was begging to be accepted right there?’ Sit with whatever answer shows up.

You would also enjoy this article: How Warren Jeffs Controlled All 79 of His Wives

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My podcast this week was with two young women for “the order” or kingston group. Check that out right here: