It hurts to heal.

And there’s one emotional pull that ohhh I just have to have. That feeling of someone I love just ignoring me to the point of full rejection. And when I get it, I’m finally at peace again.

I need max emotional pain. Make it hard. I want to feel the pull. If you don’t make it hard enough, I’ll make it all up in my imagination. I’ll think of how it could have been, then I’ll bask in my peaceful pain of heartbreak.

I’ve come to realize I crave emotional pain.

The feeling of hope and then eternal despair.

Why would you ruin it by rekindling with any warmness?

Why waste the pain of loss? Well, go ahead and give me a fraction of hope. Then let it burn forever.

And please don’t waste your breath sending me a kind word. I’d feel so much pain without it, and that’s exactly what I need.

My lonely feelings of betrayal

I need them every day

The love I thought you told in tails

Now haunts me when I pray

I yearn for you, I yearn for truth

So keep so far away

Your absence cuts the deepest groove

A hurt I beg to stay

The pain I need, it’s all I want

Come close to me dear friend

Then shatter me and all my hopes

In which my heart can bend

Oh you drop me on a dime

Please run so far away

I only know how to adore

The things I can’t let stay

The yearning for you when you’re gone

The things I cannot have

I carve my hunger into stone

And save it for my grave

I love the pain when you’re gone

I crave the haunting peace

The quiet sting that fills my chest

When you’re love you can’t release

So girl that is all I want

Break my heart in two

I’ll gather every fractured piece

And shape them back to you

But don’t reply, I love it when

You’re only what we could have been

An echo of a perfect life

I ache to never win

The solemn feelings when you’re gone

The pain deep in my chest

A quiet war I wage alone

Because I love it best

I’m begging for a thorny crown

The fantasy of what we’d be

Let it press into my helpless mind

’Til all I taste is grief from me

Ohh God if they had only stayed

And my warrior’s heart of silver gold

I’d burn the armor off my chest

To feel the story left untold

If you don’t break my heart in two

Ohh if you won’t kill my future with you

Then leave me with the hollow hope

Of dreams that never followed through

The victory that I foresee

O take it God it’s too much for me

I need that awful pain of agony

The kind that bends me to my knee

Too good for me, I need more pain

O gut please ache for me

Like a knife passed through and took all I knew

Keep me far from what I’d be

Let every fragile glimpse of peace

Be ripped from out of my hands

So I can worship in the ruins

Of a life I never planned

The beauty of your pretty face

And the fate that would be us

All gone in love torn apocalypse

Leave me bleeding in the dust

I’d trade my breath to feel again

The hope I watched decay

For nothing breaks me quite as deep

As what you didn’t say

So ghost me, hate me

By God let silence have the final say

Let every unanswered heartbeat burn

And drag my soul away

Let absence be the iron fist

That crushes what I knew

For only in the quiet death

Do I stay close to you

Cold stones and iron knives

My emotions run so deep

I lay them on my shattered chest

And pray they never sleep

Two armies in my own mind and chest

They rarely let me sleep

Each night they march through every wound

And tear me from the deep

Ice and cold are my favorite mix

But warmth is what she showed

A fleeting glow across my ruins

That split the frost I owed

Such bright sunlight in my eyes

The grass is greener so I cried

For every place that life looked soft

Just proved how dead I was inside

And the ocean waves agreed with me

Until the storms had passed

Then whispered truths I couldn’t bear

That calm was never built to last

The forest trees are all so green

So take me where they’d burn

For only in the blazing ash

Do you find what I never learn

The bluest sky is all too clear

Please bring loud thundering

For only when the heavens break

Do I feel anything

So sweetheart all I need from you

Please make my heart break in two

Split open every guarded place

So all my shadows come in view

Until you leave me all alone

With dreams we never knew

I’ll cling to every vanished scene

As if the lie were true

So draw up love notes that I’ll loose

And burn that image of me and you

Let every tender scribbled hope

Turn black before it blooms

And the dinner that we thought we shared

Or hope that glimmered through despair

Let every halfway smile we faked

Be proof you never really cared

All the hope you had for me

I’ll burn it faster than you think

I’ll watch the ashes curl and fall

So none of it can make me weak

I’d die for roses and some love

But that’s not meant for me

I reach for petals in my mind

And bleed from what I’ll never see

Long lost friends, I make no amends

The silence of eternity

It wraps around my fading name

Like fate forgot it needed me

Just know that in my hopes for you

There always was an end

A quiet breaking built inside

Each dream I dared to send

Until the skyline breaks in two

Or beaches crushed me with an icy view

I’ll stare into the wreck of everything

And mourn the life I never had with you

So take my gold and all I’ve got

Send me whispers of what I sought

And let them fade like my dying light

Too faint for me to ever touch

And like this poem that has no end,

I hope my heart will never mend

Let every fracture stay unhealed

So I can feel you in the bend

Coldest warmth and the dullest air

Grasp my heart and give me some despair

Press your emptiness into my chest

So I remember you were never there

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