Have you ever been in a situation where your conscience turned out wrong? Let me reword that. Have you ever felt if you committed a certain act you would be an evil person, but a few years later you were doing that very thing?
The thought comes to mind to murder someone. Most probably you have a feeling you should not murder them. Maybe you want to, but your conscience tells you: don’t do it.
But what if your conscience says you should murder someone? Let’s be real, you and I most probably could not just go murder someone.
Put that in contrast with my good friend Dave who happens to be a drug dealer.
Dave has killed over 100 people, first one when he was 10. Was common talk when he was young. But it was always for a righteous purpose in his mind.
He is put in a precarious situation. If he does not kill someone then he will go to jail for life. From his youngest years, he was taught murdering people was the best course of action to solving his problems. Dave goes out, finds this person and kills them without any regrets. After all they betrayed him and in his mind they totally deserve it.
You might say his conscience told him not to do so. I would disagree with you. In fact, there is a good chance he felt a righteous obligation to do so.
Take you and I. Killing someone would destroy our conscience. Possibly to the point we could no longer live with ourselves.
“Fried” is how most religious people would describe Dave’s conscience.
My Conscience
Often I find myself feeling very guilty over things I should not feel guilty about. It very much affects my mood, I judge myself by it. If something is to foreign to my beliefs, I feel guilty. Although upon further analysis, I find it to be a wholesome activity. I often feel this way if I am not doing something for someone, even though it is not my responsibility. I call it feeling guilty for not taking care of other peoples shit.
Now that don’t mean you should not help your neighbors. Just don’t feel guilty if you are taking care of you first.
I have come to realize we cannot help others until we help ourselves. Our greatest responsibility is ourselves.
We all have times in our lives where we did something we regret. Anger or other emotions often cloud our judgment. Forget all the times it was emotion. Right now, focus on those events that happened in your life that you regret, but you did them because you felt it was the best thing you could do. Not because you had a temper tantrum.
Looking back now, you say well, if I had understood this or that I would have acted differently.
This is how Dave feels about all the people he murdered. He was not in a fit of anger, that was just his life. Looking back, he might feel bad, really bad. But he did his best in that situation, or SO HE THOUGHT.
Dave Could Have Done Better
Dave could have done the right thing, he could have not killed anyone.
So could have you in those situations you regret. But from what you remember, you did your best.
Amir, an isis boy born to kill also assumes he is doing Gods will in killing a few Israeli’s. He most likely reads the Quran (Muslim Bible) and feels great devotion to Allah. He is willing to give his life for Allah. But to us he is a terrorist.
Am I Having An Insane Discovery?
Possibly millions have discovered this before, but I am just trying to wrap my head around it. So what is this discovery?
Culture made your conscience. And most people cannot change their conscience.
Okay that is not totally accurate. Many do change their conscience. But few can recognize that they have the ability to change their conscience.
No One Can Escape Conscience
You might assume Dave had no conscience. But Dave has recognized that he can change his conscience. He has begun to look for things that he can repeat to himself and believe in, so when he is put in tough situations his conscience will help him automatically do what is right.
Dave had a conscience. So did Amir, the isis boy. And so does everyone on earth.
It is extremely valuable to have a good conscience. That is how you judge right from wrong in the moment.
And the most valuable, or perhaps the most powerful thing is to recognize that we can change our conscience.
Character vs Conscience
Am I just describing a persons character? Is it possible that conscience is the same for everyone, and if they follow it they will do right, no matter the culture they were raised in?
I would like to think so. But in my personal experiences, I have not found this to be the case. It is true that a persons conscience shapes their character from youth. But it seems to me your character also shapes the conscience you choose to follow and adopt.
Spirit, a higher power, is what most assume is at the heart of conscience. I agree with that. Is it possible that spirit is the driving force behind all conscience? But that is another subject that would make this article so long that you would just log off. More on that another time.
Sexuality
Our conscience affects our sexual relationships in every way. Amir the isis boy may have believed very strongly that he should not have sex outside of marriage, but still bomb innocent humans. Now I am not pretending to know Isis beliefs, but that is very possible.
Dave the drug dealer might have believed killing his enemy was very good, but also believed it very sinful to kill his mother. He believed it was fabulous to sleep with every hot girl, but he would never sleep with his brothers wife.
In the FLDS religion, or cult as you might wish to call it, sex is a great example. I recently wrote an article titled “Did Warren Jeffs 85 Wives Turn Lesbian?”
I want to talk about that for a moment in light of conscience.
There are women who participated that believe these sex sessions were “heavenly.” In fact, many still believe so much that it was holy, they won’t even speak on it. We would all assume they are still brainwashed.
Some of the women now regret the whole situation, and say they were very brainwashed. They also say they would never do it again and I totally believe them. I feel bad for them being put in that situation.
However, there was an extremely religious side to these sex sessions. Look, conscience was very much involved. Spirit was very much involved.
I am not going to speak for these women, but I am going to make what I think is a very interesting observation.
If I am not mistaken, most(I said most for a reason, so don’t assume it was all) these women once felt, what they would describe as the most powerful spiritual experience of their lives. If we could see all things, I would assume this is a very sincere and truthful statement.
And then if we continue to observe, the more un-brainwashed they become, the more they want to entirely deny that it was one of the most powerful spiritual experiences.
So what changed? At one point it was one of the most holy ordinances one could be part of. It was not just the earthly feeling.
You might say, bro this is sex, perhaps the most spiritual physical thing there is.
I understand that. But from my religious experience in the flds, I know that these women experienced something more, not judging it was good or bad, but perhaps a little more supernatural than you are assuming.
Look, I was pretty sincere in my devotion in the flds, and had some of these supernatural experiences. In my case they certainly were not sexual. Call me weird if you choose, but it is the best way I can explain it. It is also why I am writing this blog.
For many of these women I understand why they are so devoted. Even after they hear many things, you might say, to un-brainwash them. And I want others to understand that. In other words: If others understand, they may choose to judge the situation less harshly.
Just like you may feel very bad for Amir, the devout Islam boy that chose to die killing innocent people. Do you understand the religious experience of that boy or his parents? There is a good chance it was very powerful, which is always a good feeling, and makes it very difficult to change a persons mind.
Asking Questions
I do not want to assume I know everything. But I also do not want to ever deny my own experience.
See, if we have an unusual experience, and we face the truth head on, we may gain very valuable information.
I want to make clear that I am not saying these things as though I could not change my beliefs and assumptions about them. But I do not want to lie to myself about something I experienced just to satisfy my desire to fit in and be accepted.
I am here to ask questions, explain my viewpoint, and hear other viewpoints. Viewpoints that will enlighten my mind, not tell me my experience is not valid.
Thank you for reading! You could read more about my childhood in this article titled My Early Childhood In The FLDS, Age 1-5.
Disclaimer: Dave is an imaginary friend:) Thats fine though, I turn to him when I need someone murdered lol.
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