Here Is The Truth About Your Grandma’s Tits

They sag biggly. But not like your last girlfriends.

(Disclaimer: Satire tits article incoming.)

Funny how young saggy tits just can’t make it into your bloodline. My kids need something pretty! We want some shape dude. If your 20 and they sag too much then ya’ll are going to die early.

We want shape and curve. Also they look best with a bigger canyon. Maybe that’s just me. I’m overcomplicating it. Just as long as they are natural. We don’t want plastic tits bitch.

I want glass bottles for my wine. And natural tits. With big old cigars. I don’t care how thin or non existent your tits are. None of this plastic shit. Well unless your doing only fans.

Plastic tits are for pics only. Don’t let me anywhere near them.

Anyway, back to these tits that are on your grandma.

Mother Eves Tits

As father Adam got old he didn’t like how Eves tits were sagging so much.

It was the case that he couldn’t hardly get an erection. But partly because he couldn’t see any round to mother Eve’s tits.

“My kids sucked the life out of those, didn’t they!” Adam one day said.

“Not like you back in your 20’s after my pro bj” Eve replied as she bent down to change the laundry.

Adam almost got an erection from mother eves nice beautiful butt but then she turned back around and those tits were just low hanging fruit, unlike the forbidden apple Eve had originally offered him.

Adam thought long and hard, and then brought in one of his sons to carve mother Eves young tits on a sculpture.

When I saw the old sculpture I immediately got an erection. They don’t make women like old mother Eve any more.

Adam Looks For Solutions

Adam found himself really wanting a bit of a younger Eve to get a glimpse at her forbidden fruit tities that had caused him so much pain in the first place.

He sent in a special request to god for a glimpse at some young tits.

But God said he only made one Eve and thought he could maybe get a glimpse at one of his grandaughters.

Even to Adam that seemed super inappropriate. But God would not supply another Eve and he had already suffered 500 years from loosing a rib to Eve.

Men these days at least don’t have to deal with this kind of major ordeal like Adam.

He called in a therapists, psychologist, technologist, and swordsman to help him solve this major pain.

The therapist told him to just be happy with the old tits, and gave him some mental tools to enjoy the old saggy tits.

Adam was upset and told him he couldn’t believe he raised a therapist.

The psychologist told him we can’t really tell the difference between our imagination and reality, and that we should just imagine young tits while feeling the old saggy ones.

Adam said he had tried that but the psychologist should stick to problems aside from sagging tits.

Then the technologist came in and told Adam he could simply create a porn site and see young tits again. Adam tried that but told him he should stick to dating apps because he like real life tits.

Adam Finds A Solution

Lastly Adam brought in the swordsman and he had a simple plan. Go to one of the far ends of the earth and fetch one of his great great great granddaughters.

He could use the advice of the therapist and be okay that it was his granddaughter.

Use the advice of the psychologist and imagine it was a new Eve sent by God.

Or simply embrace being a Barlow and marry his relative.

Either way, Adam got his young tits and Eve got fucked by someone that could actually get an erection.

They lived happily forever after.

This is satire. Some days I cannot do anything serious and today was one of them.

So of coarse my mind automatically reverts back to your granys sagging tits.

Also hoping the 5 girls I’ve been texting lately don’t come across this 😂.

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