Why say I love you? To keep your wife happy?

I’m tired of saying things because I have to.
And not saying things because I’m scared to.

Should I ever say I love you and actually feel it?
Or is it better to settle below the slow—but oh, so fast—shadow of time that will inevitably bring death, and simply say: “I was a tough one.”

That fate is inevitable for some. RIP to all the emotions they could have felt.

My friend, you once quieted your emotions to avoid harm. And then you never felt again. Sorrow made an attempt, but you felt nothing.

So love came along and made an attempt. But the idea of letting such vibrations into your nervous system was far too unfamiliar.

And way too dangerous.

When you were young, those vibration sensors had no guard. Now they are nonexistent. You, my friend, are almost a feeling virgin.

Surface stuff? Yeah, oh yeah.
Deep? Maybe that’s why you’re so lonely.

I diagnose you with emotion virginity.

Let’s go back two years. I want to tell you something.

Darkness? Yeah, Please

Too dark? Nah.
Too light? No way in hell.

When I woke up this morning, the last thing I wanted to say was I love you. To my mother, or anyone else.

But two years ago I couldn’t even think it without feeling a bit squeamish and out of place.

Saying it? Noooo. I think I did a few times—head down, voice quiet, like a prisoner asking for water.

Silencing bad emotions silences good ones too.

That’s when mocking and sarcasm are so handy. You mean it, but your culture doesn’t allow it.

Wait—actually, it encourages you to say I love you, but somehow absolutely no one can do it besides your mom. And when she does, you feel a little squeamish.

I have a nuclear bomb to drop on the iron guards of your emotions. But it would take you out.

A hammer and a chisel are all I can offer that might keep you from wounding yourself too badly.

Please Don’t Love Me

I need more to carry, life’s getting too light
The weight kept me human — now you’re making it too bright.

Please don’t say I love you
That’s too awkward for me
Whisper something truer — like don’t let me free
Call me ugly, even though you can’t see

I wanted to feel and my thoughts think so too
My energy is wrong and there’s nothing I can do
It hums like a fault line beneath every move
Too loud to ignore, too quiet to prove

I can say I love you
But the real sad thing is
I haven’t felt much and I’m not sure I do
Just echoes of feelings I once tried to live through

You’re just familiar — I know how you are
But the girl that loved me I have to push far
Too close to the wound, too bright for the scar
So I buried her name where the dead feelings are

I don’t like love, I can’t live without it
My mind’s going crazy, put me in a pit
Bury me deep where no feeling can hit
Let the dirt teach me what silence won’t quit

O that little love you had offered yesterday
I’m way too unworthy — please, throw it away
It burned when it touched me, I flinched like a flame
Don’t waste it on someone who can’t feel the same

You would also enjoy this article: It Didn’t Hurt Bad Enough. Here’s Why You Need More Pain

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