Dear FLDS Parents

First of all, let me say thank you for all you have done for your children. FLDS parents have extraordinary love for their children, I saw it in school, in daily life, and in my own mother.

My views and ideas differ with FLDS parents today but I will make the effort in this article to not bring up what you don’t want to talk about. I will save that for other articles that you can choose to or to not read. My reason for this is simple: I want this article to be able to be read by FLDS parents so they know what their children are struggling with when they are considering leaving the FLDS. I want the parents to know that I am doing this from a desire to see more success between children and parents that have strong disagreements.

This conversation also applies to all young adults. Oddly as time has progressed, FLDS children have gotten treated younger and younger in many cases.

Why Have So Many Children Chosen To Leave?

Even many of the most obedient and faithful children have chosen to leave the religion and go figure life out on their own. But why is it that?

“There are few creatures more miserable than friendless children.” -Jordan Peterson

You may think your children have a friend in you or another, in their siblings or friends, whoever it might be, but hear me out. The children are extremely lonely. It might be hard to see, but it is very true. Even if they act happy, even if they are seemingly doing okay.

So what causes this extreme feeling of loneliness? It is lack of ability to express frustrations in anything without being reprimanded. Particularly when something does not make sense and the only answer is “Are you doubting?”

See, the current situation in the FLDS might make sense to the parents, or at least you might be satisfied to the degree you will continue faithful. But for children, they have not seen many days that anything added up in their minds.

The way I know is because I have been there. And I have seen my siblings, cousins, friends struggle with this. If there was 5 or 10 percent that left, we probably could have a different conversation. But it is 60 or 70+ percent.

When I was struggling with these questions, who could I talk to about it? I did not want to talk to apostates. But no one would talk. I mean I did not dare talk about it. I hardly dared ask questions to myself and it was very painful. And you know how good it feels when you get with someone and you can say the smallest thing? It feels like you got shot into the clouds and there is extreme joy. Once a child has this opportunity, they will most likely leave even if it is a few years later.

Children in the FLDS express themselves as freely about work as anyone in the world. If they could do so about the current situation they are feeling, and have an entirely open conversation, they would not feel so depressed and lonely. This is also why, given the opportunity, children will seem very friendly to a nieghbor or stranger who is not FLDS. It is also why they will hide a phone in order to feel like they have another connection. It is not that they want to do bad, it is that they are trying so extremely hard to find an outlet for the unexplained feelings within.

Requests To FLDS Parents

I would ask very politely the following:

1. Talk with your child or children about the struggles they are feeling and LISTEN, even if you don’t want to. I know this is hard to do on subjects they question. Keep in mind that if your only response is “We just have to stay faithful” then the child is just suppressing those feelings and doubts. The feelings don’t die, they blow up later. I had a close friend tell me when I wanted to converse about some of these things: “If I even talk about that I would be doubting my testimony.” I was ready to listen and wanted to have a constructive conversation. Who was left to talk to? You know.
2. If your child leaves, is it not better that they go with encouragement and love from you rather than threats of forever being resigned to hell? If you are going to sever communication, try to do so with the thought that you will probably see each other again, you most likely will. If you feel it acceptable offer to see them once a year.
3. Remember that children will be judged according to their situation, perhaps leaving is the best path that Heavenly Father has chosen to give them the experiences they need.
4. If your child is leaving, it does not make you a bad person. You may be looked down on if your children leave, and that makes you try even harder, which in turn makes the child have a dark experience beyond what I can really explain. It just makes the mental decision feel like armageddon.
5. Do not take a car or phone away. You won the short game. You definitely lost the long one even if it seems the child comes back around. If it is to that point, you should probably just encourage them to go do their best.

Why Children Turn Bitter

Years of not being able to make sense of things will make a child’s mind go ballistic when they are given the opportunity to make sense of anything they want to. Many parents push their children so hard to stay, and when the child finally leaves they have a much worse story to tell. It was the brain telling them to never put themselves in that situation again.

Parents understand better than anyone that it is the child’s choice. Thats why this article is rather difficult for me to write. Because I know that it’s all about convincing a person that they need to stay. It just puts so much pressure on the minds of children or anyone. There is nothing that can be done about that. I said I wouldn’t try to change parents minds in this article, and so we will just leave it at that.

Reflecting On The Future Of The Children

Children who leave with love and encouragement will have a much higher chance to be successful. If you take out the mental struggle they have when leaving, it is also an entirely new social experience. There is a good chance children or young adults will feel very awkward. They don’t fit in.

I am just saying that life will go better with some love and encouragement, even if you disagree with the decision.

Conclusion And A Thank You

I know you are all doing your best. I promise that most FLDS children totally understand your point of view. And while we disagree, we are grateful for any encouragement from parents.

Also I have to say thank you to my mother for listening to her children even when she disagreed.

Thank you to all the parents! We wish you the best in all your endeavors. I have tried carefully to not talk against the FLDS in this article in order to respect your views, so I hope you can appreciate that.

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I will write more under the topic Bound By My Own Mind, but if your FLDS you might not want to read it lol.

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