I bought Rachel’s Breaking Free book from amazon the other day. I am not sure why I have not read the book sooner. Once I started, I could not stop. Maybe that is because it was about dads family and us humans happen to be very interested in ourselves.
I Could Not Believe It
When I first heard about Rachael’s book in 2018, I assumed it was a bunch of lies. Shocked as can be when Nora, Becky, and Rachael left the FLDS in 2015, I could have never guessed the future.
In the book, Rachael tells how Warren Jeffs touched her inappropriately many times. Among the FLDS members, many know that Warren Jeffs daughters accuse him of this, but they assume it is a lie. When I heard about this in 2019, I didn’t just assume it was untrue, I knew it was a lie. No way was I going to believe that after listening to all dad’s trainings.
“Mother, what do you think about these accusations? You knew father pretty well.” We questioned mother about it some. She was not there the whole time, but she was right there in 1995.
When mother got married, Rachel explains dad’s misconduct stopped for a time.
“I did not see many questionable things,” mother told us. “He seemed like a man of God to me, but I can think of one story that I did not like. One day father was swinging one of the girls on the swing, I was watching from a distance. Her dress came completely up and she was trying to put it down. Father says, no just leave it up. I am the only one around. That was really odd,” mother told us.
I was disgusted. Not about mothers story, although it did not reflect the dad I knew. The whole conversation made me upset. I felt sick to my stomach and asked mother if she was doubting father.
“I am sorry if it sounded like I was doubting, I did not tell the story in that way,” mother told me, before proceeding to give me several reasons to continue my faith.
Is It All True?
Over the next few years I found out more and more. I investigated and slowly came to accept that maybe I was wrong about dad, maybe we all were messed up.
In many stories like this, it is one persons word against the other. But in this case it is different.
Dad took many extremely young wives. Dad’s sister accused him of the same sexual misconduct, not to the world, but in a private letter where she was willing to forgive him.
I was non existent for much of Rachel’s life, but I can say that everything she said that I was personally acquainted with was accurate. I have never heard anyone say the account she gives was inaccurate so far as they personally saw, and there was plenty of people around in those days, her sisters and mothers. Some doubt her accusations when she was alone with father, but they all will confirm she was alone with him.
In dad’s case, I have more reason to believe Rachel than not. I was also impressed that there were not exaggerated stories, it was all very accurate.
I have reason to doubt if those girls would have left the FLDS as soon if these bad things had not happened to them. Looking back on everything, there were many reasons for them to leave, but it really did take a lot of mind changing, looking at the world different. “Flirting with damnation,” as one of the chapters is titled.
How “Breaking Free” Made Me Feel
I read the book through without stopping. And I felt unusually along for the journey. Anytime after 1998, I pictured where I was during that time.
So many memories came back, and I felt rather emotional as I read the stories. In the FLDS, it is considered stupid to feel emotions. The requirement is to look at it how God does, not through your emotions.
So just letting myself really read books or watch stories feels good.
I can see myself, if I was still in the FLDS, mocking the book. But I have no doubt that every person that was put in those situations gets a bit emotional when they read other similar stories. “That is exactly how I felt,” is the thought.
When I finished reading, I felt really grateful that those girls decided to leave when they did, or we all might be there awhile longer.
Richard Allred, Rachel’s Husband
I found Rachels account of Rich extremely interesting.
Rich was our caretaker/boss in 2014 at Norway, the house of hiding. Many of the boys did not like him. That was different for me. Anyone there could see I liked Rich.
I watched Rich during the time Rachel was leaving. He really wanted to call her. But Father told him not to. He was great at keeping his feelings quiet, but he did say that he could probably change her mind and help the situation if given the opportunity.
In 2019 I called Rich. We had not spoken for 4 years. We talked about all the boys, and then I asked him what he thought about Rachel now that she had written a book. He told me, “I know her a lot better than you do, believe me she can tell some lies.” I believed him, at least for the time being.
It might seem odd, but I loved Rich like a father. However, it was the spiritual that bonded us. No way I am getting into that right now.
I would gladly spend time with him today if he chose to leave the FLDS. Will that ever happen? I think it will be awhile. I could write a page about how Rich feels about dad, and you would think he was crazy, but I felt the same with him. What you experience, you cannot always explain. Yes it is stronger than love for anything else, including children or wives, it really really is. I am not saying it should be especially.
Should You Buy This Book?
I bought about every book on the FLDS that is out there. I would recommend this one above the others, for the simple reason that the stories are not exaggerated, and Rachel was dads daughter and had a front row seat.
That is not saying the other books are wrong, everyone has their own personal experiences, and you need to read their book to know how they felt.
I also think for FLDS who are reconsidering their views, this is one of the best books they could get their hands on.
You may enjoy this article titled What Is Our Life Mission?
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