Why Do xFLDS Feel So Lonely? This Feels Like Death

Loneliness is not about being alone. It is about feeling alone. Feeling misunderstood. And I am afraid that most x FLDS that are under 30 feel lonely. I used to wonder if it was more the boys that feel that way. But the more I have watched I think it is the girls just as much.

I can only speak from my personal experiences. So I am not going to write this as if I know every persons struggles.

Sometimes I feel lonely to the point it feels like my brain is being pinched or slowly being tortured. And I know there are others out there who feel the same. There is not a single thing fun about it. Like a slow death, it chops years off your life.

This could also go for those who are not from the FLDS or those who are still in it.

In Every Social Environment, Your Responsible

Have you ever felt so lonely that you went to some random social setting like a game or dance or anything? Had a good time and then came home feeling almost more lonely and like taking a sledgehammer to everything around you? Or maybe just crying a bit? (Guys we never cry, right)

You feel way better right then when you are there. But when you leave you start to realize that problem is still there and you become really frustrated. You are more lonely then before because you have not been able to express your feelings.

There is a good chance that you even took lead in the social setting and played, said something funny and on all appearances you were doing awesome! You felt genuine and it was enjoyable. But….

You Thrive On Solving Others Problems

Instead of your own. Why is this important?

Because if you looked deeper, walked around those feelings and investigated them you would realize that a big part of why you like to solve others problems is because you feel more comfortable in that situation.

And less comfortable confronting your own problems. Well, you are just more comfortable acting like you don’t have any. Right?

But simultaneously a big reason for your loneliness is because you cannot fully talk with someone else about the problems you are facing.

Or maybe you have such a lack of experience doing so that you just look stupid and feel stupid doing it.

It is great to help others with their problems. But if you can’t talk about your own, you really are taking from your credit card of love and the bills will come due. In the form of depression, loneliness, and even thoughts of suicide. It is not fun.

What About When That Stranger Got Really Into You?

That one person that found out where you were from and asked you a ton of questions. You probably left feeling a bit exposed, but you felt better. Perhaps even way better.

It is natural to resist admitting this: You loved talking about yourself. Maybe you even felt embarrassed and did it awkwardly, even acted like it was not fun. But you feel better. You wish someone else would ask next time.

I want to ask how often from the time you were 5 years old to the time you turned 18 how many times a day on average did you say to someone: I feel lonely, I feel sad, or I feel some negative emotion?

If you felt that way what was the solution offered by those around you? For me it was: “You don’t feel lonely when you have the spirit of god.” So I usually exerted myself harder when I felt lonely. I prayed more.

Naturally when I feel lonely I exert myself in some form.

You see, even though we can commonly admit the rules and oddness in the FLDS culture, we don’t recognize how deep into our unconscious tendencies that feeling of not considering how we feel has gone.

You grew up never talking about yourself. Yes you may have been selfish at times. But deep down it is awkward to consider yourself fully.

If you were born after 1990 in the FLDS, you probably have this even if you think you don’t.

Avoid Therapists

I don’t know why, but nothing makes me more lonely and upset than a therapist. I have tried 5 different ones. They are absolutely terrible.

I have never once felt better about my life after talking to a therapist. They totally piss me off.

Instead get a life coach. They can help. It costs more but man they are way better. At least for me.

If you want to try a therapist, do it. I genuinely hope it helps. But man I cannot stand their silly solutions.

Solution To Your Loneliness

I am not going to pretend to have the answer. If this was something I had solved I would tell you how. I have solved it at times and that is about all the more I can tell you.

If you have the opportunity to spend time with friends you grew up with, and still have a good relationship, that is always a good thing. As long as you can say the truth about what you think.

You just understand each other better. Even if you been years apart. And you will feel way better if you can share your experiences of leaving and how the thought process was. That really should help. But it won’t last. Especially if you don’t get much time together. Or often it seems better to be apart.

For me, loneliness has been motivation to move forward in my life. And the more it doesn’t work the more motivation I have. That might sound discouraging but what other options do we have?

I know how it feels. Boy, just keep going. Girl, just keep going. I really want to encourage people to just keep fighting. It is an inward battle. An unexplainable one. I almost said unsolvable but I don’t want to think that.

You just don’t want to feel alone. Damn that is a hard feeling sometimes.

But keep fighting. Keep looking for solutions. Keep trying.

I feel really good when I see people not lonely. But that is not for everyone. Your time will come. Fight the demons. And so will I!

Thank You for reading. You would enjoy this article titled: Success Is Our Only Option

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