Are you here to get the best bang from your buck or be a celestial wife? Lets dive in and look at 10 jokes only FLDS will understand!
1. What would brother Warren would want?
When you are making tough decisions, say this joke! It will help remind you these days you can do whatever shit you want and not just what the prophet says!
2. Hey brother, is that purity living?
Ask your best friend this when they ruberneck a super spicy girl at the mall!
3. Sorry, I Made Aunt Melinda Cum
Say this when you did something nice for someone and they thought you were angling in for some sex!
Okay, let me explain.
Melinda is one of dads wives. She was our teacher. One day she came in and apologized for winking at me so much. I was like wait wut ya’ll are winking at me?
Later I suggested we should get her a better coat, so she reported me to dad. God damn, women could not assume anything but the worst lol. Funny because I genuinely never felt anything, not even a single butterfly towards her. I was 14 btw.
Her nods during prayer made me really nervous about my own sincerity, sheesh lol.
If your reading this Melinda, that was so dang fun teasing you when we shut the gates on you. Seriously though, some of my favorite freaking memories back then. I’m still laughing! On a serious note, wishing you all the best!
4. John Wayman is King Noah’s Grandkid!
John Wayman hit my hat so many times I had to take it personally! Seriously though, bishop was always telling me to come closer before whacking my cap down over my eyes.
King Noah is the immoral greedy guy in the Book Of Mormon incase you forgot! John, hey bro we know when everyone was struggling you were deciding between Honda and Polaris side by side after buying the new Mercedes! Glad your getting your meds!
5. I’m going to do some seaside atonement for you!
If you need your friends to do all the work while you go to the beach, let them know this way!
That is because Warren Jeffs wrote in his record something like, “I’m out here witnessing the world so my people don’t have to.” And he was chillin on the beach in his shorties! Damn dad, thinking smarter not working harder huh? Let me try that!
6. Is that Inspired Love Giving?
Ask your ex FLDS friends this when they are making detrimental decisions! Ask it in a serious way so they will for sure go ahead and do something stupid out of sheer spite!
7. Would Mother Jennifer Approve?
Say this when doing something a bit sketchy! Mother Jennifer probably would not like it lmao!
Jennifer, if your reading this just know your one of the strongest Walls ever!!
Even Elissa is amazed at the loyalty!
On a serious note, damn your good at the violin!
8. Do You Feel The Heavenly Fire?
Ask this to your partner while having epic sex! If they say no, pull out and send them away for not reaching! Just jokes, got em from reading my dads record and holy crap some of them women felt some celestial peace happening!
9. Grandmother Meg, stop giggling.
One time my brother and I were hauling a nightstand. We could not stop laughing because we were being silly. Grandmother Meg was following us and she said “stop giggling.” We dropped that nightstand and died over laughing!
To this day, I still find myself dying over laughing about “stop giggling.” She just said it so dang funny but she was serious. Same laughing devil comes back every time!
10. Hey Cousin, I’m really feeling it!
Say this to get a inbred relationship rolling! We been doing this for years out in the flds! Keep it going man, marry your damn cousin! Joking, actually just totaly don’t do that shit. It’s fucked up. Even if you have feelings, just acknowledge it is messed up!
Conclusion
There are so dang many good sex jokes from the flds! Look, after no sex talk and watching dad with 80 wives, these jokes ain’t stopping. I get they are not so holy! Neither are you, your just culture shocked!
Thanks for reading! On a more serious note you might enjoy this article titled, “Inside The Fascinating Mind Of Warren Jeffs.”
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