Category: Satire
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Celestial Kingdom Now a Subscription: Only $99.99/Month
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SALT LAKE CITY, UT — In a bold move to modernize the Plan of Salvation, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has announced that entry into the Celestial Kingdom will now be available through a convenient monthly subscription. The new model, internally dubbed Celestial™, was introduced during a…
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LDS Church Announces Tithing Now Accepted in Cryptocurrency
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Salt Lake City, UT — In a groundbreaking revelation sure to ripple through both Utah and Silicon Valley, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced this week that it will now accept tithing in cryptocurrency. Members can now pay their 10% in Bitcoin, Ethereum, or “any coin with…
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Joseph Smith Appeared to Me. Here’s What He Said.
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I was deep in prayer after reading Mosiah 27 from the Book of Mormon. I decided to go pray. On the drive, I passed the temple of the modern LDS Church. When I got to the national forest, I started wondering if I could get a signal to Jesus through…
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LDS Church Introduces ‘Thong Saturday’ to Combat Vitamin D Deficiency
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SALT LAKE CITY, UT – In a revelation that has left scholars, dermatologists, and a deeply confused Relief Society buzzing, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) has officially announced “Thong Saturday”—a bold new initiative aimed at combating widespread Vitamin D deficiency among the Saints. The decision follows…
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I Joined A New Religion! Here Is Why You Should Too
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Did I really just join a new religion? I am so fresh out of a bunch of religious bullshit. So what on earth am I thinking?? A preacher knocked at my door. “My religion can really improve your life” he explained. “It has been a year or two since I…
